My rude awakening is after the fact and I already said something stupid and got punched in the lip for it! The last thing we needed was drugs and alcohol getting me twisted up in punchlines and rhyming words that sounded fancy and were considered poorly. Waking up after a nightmare and taking a dose of cannabis, just to trip out on my camera, was lazy and foolish. It’s feeble to treat PTSD with cannabis, when what you need is therapy and a hug from a long lost stranger. I didn’t expect a few negative thoughts in my brain, and a buzzed charka in my heart would prove so useless, but it’s the fact of the matter that the motivation and signs to use drugs and still get up online and rap, was braindead and overly casual and at the same time rude to everyone who heard.
I’m just sad that the Devil would go so far as to stop God from being able to bless us drowning children with the breath of life from afar, by drawing us near to one another. I know whether friends, allies, or a little of both, we can truly see the blessings of Abraham’s seed in fruition not go cold into a night of men firing rockets. I’m sad we only tested the waters and never saw the road ahead winding back to one another, as the solution to the whole ordeal of the Apocalypse. We were always meant to find each-other, in spite of the enemy tripping and sabotaging the simple friendship we could have held to.
The terror it took to wake me up from my lethargic coma, and the time it took for me to be stirred awake, are the main reason why I turned to a drug to feel well, when the raps out my mouth were so stirred and reckless, due to the fact that I had been bothered by a bad dream from the enemy, and I needed to pray not record. Back then 10/17/18 was a turn in the right direction, but by the summer of 2019, it was clearly a crutch and a distraction that 420 was still influencing my words and motivation to clearly see, think, feel, and respond with diligence lovingly towards you. The very fact that a cannabis dependence devolved my worship, must have made my vows seem stupid to you, but I truly found love reaching out blindly hoping you were there. I’m sorry for how poorly my words were spoken, for you were listening ears must have burned with how gritty it was. I was feeling bad to begin with, then chose to get high, which didn’t solve any of my problems, but made me feel less real about it all.
I shoulda shut up a long time ago, because of how loosely my words were being spoken, high and rhyming. I shouldn’t have constantly changed my raps to the sound of the drums, and the free flow of the music theme, and I shouldn’t have let the enemy have influence on my blind date with a destined friend whom I didn’t know or even hear from in all these years. My blindness was to her answer, but I hoped she was hearing me, and my radical emotional struggle, dulled with using weed and alcohol, made me too presumptuous and doubtful. My use of language in rhyme, often made me say some stuff I look back upon and erase completely. It was my race to her balcony, but without a clue she was even listening, that made me yell a little too rashly. I think my impatience was the foolish part of the message that haunted this outcome, and had me stuck grappling in the dark without a reply.
I’ve been in hospital since slipping up with the weed use, just because of emotions, that are too hard to deal with, and that also are chemicals in the brain. Whether Ativan or Cannabis, the last thing I need is a PRN to solve my anxiety issues. The spiritual solution was to stop, pray, and hear Yahweh’s still small voice, not listen to the traffic and take medicine to ignore the pressing discomfort.
So my thoughts have been racing, and I’m back on the straight and narrow, hoping that Cupid’s arrow still spells out what Love could mean for the rest of humanity. I’m watching the world slip and the balance tip and I’m not sure as to why people would rest in knowing the world would end so painfully for billions of humans, yet there isn’t cause for concern, because of this excuse, or because of that reason. Truly we must all be concerned with Armageddon and with how simple love between neighbours, could have averted the calamity of catastrophic choice to just walk away from the dinner table, without even tasting the meal.
The girl was let down, because the boy was still confused and the serpent was still holding out cannabis as a respite from the discouraging attacks against them rising up together. I kept flowing when I should have shut off the tap and I kept ranting and raving as though my kaleidoscopic ideas were colourful enough to capture a princess before the serpent washes away hope forever. So as time runs out and the power grids shut down overnight, we have less time than ever before, and she probably doesn’t want to return to my side, like the battle was never won in the first place, but may have never even been more than a harping tongue speaking in vain. I guess there was comfort in the disaster coming against me, but the discomfort the disaster will cause, will be truly heartbreaking for everyone.
God needs to be cherished by us both, because His plans were for Man and Wife, not for everything to end, as the evil one shuts the door on us both. When we could have looked forward to the swords being reforged into gardening spades, and Judgement Day a thing of the past. We passed up the opportunity for this pale blue dot of a planet to be healed, but instead decided Earth was a dry place and not an oasis that was meant to spread throughout the desert. Where my place was exactly, was to serve the lessons of life that were prophetically bestowed upon me, to anyone who would listen, especially Lesley. The rightful purpose was to enlist in sifting through the mire to sort out the gold from the rock and then give it as a gold offering to Her, that she would marry me, and help me stop the ticking time bomb of East vs West. I laid it on too thick and said things that were more 420 influenced than things that gravity would pull me towards. I blew it, and made shipwreck my own choice. Please choose Yahweh so it doesn’t have to end in the way predicted by whoever rules the airwaves that echo in my sensing perception.
I apologize for any shame I have caused you by operating under a spirit of fear because of my troubled past and my unknown future. God was holding out a rose to you, and I let the Devil trample the simple blessing our loving friendship that was blossoming, after so long being improbable. I needed to embrace the stress and find natural ways of dealing with anxieties that didn’t include drugs or alcohol, in order to see clearly and not feebly. I just never even had a single clue that you were listening, or even cared about me. It was the ultimate blind date, and the shadows that I fought with, had me in defeat before I even could have a conversation with you. I’m sorry my imagination was trapped in a pit, and I felt time ending all around me, but the greatest hope I had, was your faith saving the day, and together as friends, our confessions being heard and believed by the world. That way nobody’s hopes needed to be dashed except for Satan’s hope to prevent love’s answer from sealing the deal between friends. I’m hoping you will still be my friend, and won’t close your eyes to the fact that the end is near, and we have the power to prevent it.
I will keep sending you my messages, with hopes you can wrestle free from the resistance to unite in prayer that it rains across Earth the waters and mana it needs for everyone to be nourished and quenched. Let’s hope and pray for a better connection, and that our forgiveness of past, can in the present, secure the future.
Can our pasts be forgiven whatever they were, to see a future we’d treasure secure? I was impure and got caught up in drug use, but I still stand to say I’m not sorry I love you. I would release you from loving me in return, but as long as you could be a friend of Yahweh, then your my friend too! So even if you don’t love me, if you love Yahweh then your my friend and gracious! Don’t let the serpent take Yahweh’s victory away from this humanity, simply because you didn’t like me. Yahweh’s victory, is this Cosmos’ victory and life being spread throughout the stars! But we shouldn’t even count the stars, when we lost track of the Earth under our feet. Let God fulfill His will through our acting, and He will always uphold us!
This Is My Testament Joy and Sorrow statements. Please hope for tomorrow but don't be evoking the wrong ideas about the authorship or the author from now on and forevermore.